Ladies Need Our Help, Men, Really!

A woman is not a plaything

Christian men, our sisters aren’t bystanders in the church’s collective war against immorality. They need their brothers’ help! Here’s what that looks like.

brothers and sisters in Christ

Last spring, I shared Men Need Your Help, Ladies, Really! as a plea to Christian women for help in the predominately male war against lust. I wrote it believing that their response to the Scriptural principles outlined would result in practical and supernatural aid to us men. Yet I also alluded in the article that I would write in the future to describe how we can help our sisters. You are reading the “companion” article, and the crux of this one is simple: men mustn’t believe that their sisters are mere bystanders in this collective war. It’s our turn to be challenged. Pure, fruitful relationships within our churches, and the purity/integrity of our sisters, are on the line!

Seriously, the world will never help our Christian sisters live godly lives because it’s too busy working to turn them into consumable products. Therefore it is critical that their brothers don’t add to the problem, but actually help!! (Do I hear our sisters cheering in the background there?…)

Brothers, women don’t have it easy just because they’re not as tempted to look at us as sexual objects. Thus to help us help them, I’ve come up with a “Who?”, “What?”, “When?”, “Where?”, “Why?”, and “How?” series of questions to answer every day. If our answers are in God’s will, we will make a difference in our sisters’ lives!

Now I understand that the questions will read like another “purity for men” sermon. That’s OK, because we can’t help our sisters along these lines otherwise. The two themes go hand-in-glove.

Brothers, we should want to help our sisters see through Satan and the world’s terrible tricks. We should want our sisters to suspect less that their brothers interact with them to get something. We should want our sisters to be uninterested in copying the way worldly women look and act. We should want our sisters to develop friendships with their brothers as God intended, and have greater respect for their participation in the church!

Men, let’s stop giving ourselves a pass for treating our sisters contrary to what God’s Word demands, and order our lives according to how we would honestly answer the following questions:

  1. What am I looking at? It’s such an obvious question that it bears repeating a billion times over, otherwise everyone has likely already lost before we ever step foot onto the battlefield. And don’t miss that at the heart of the question is intentionality. What are you going out of your way to look at? If your answer would include any of the following which are “provocative” in nature: centerfolds, advertisements, billboards, videos, pictures, etc, then you, the Lord, and some folks at your local church are due for a serious chat. Why? Well, explain how looking at or watching womanizing debauchery will ever help you treat your sisters according to God’s Word? Our sisters don’t need their brothers gawking at them in conversation, knowingly or unknowingly! (consider Job 31:1)
  2. Where am I going? This is an extension of the question previously posed. What you look at has either a physical or virtual dimension. You have to “go there” to do it. So where are your legs, your computer mouse, or “tapping finger,” taking you? Is “where you’re going” fostering a healthy perception toward and perspective about your Christian sisters? Our sisters don’t need brothers that go where worldly men go! (consider Prov 7:6-23)
  3. Who am I thinking about? Starting to feel uneasy? Please don’t disappear; this is paramount. The ol’ noggin’ is where every battle to choose between righteousness and evil begins. And what’s of utmost importance (let’s rearrange the question’s first word) is how you’re thinking about the who. So, do you daydream about any secret crushes, and what you’d like them to do for you? Do you entertain impure thoughts about any of your Christian sisters? How about Jesus Christ? How often does He enter your mind each day? Relax, I just ask pointedly because men often wrestle with this, and it must be fought tooth and nail. Our sisters don’t need brothers that can barely string two coherent sentences together because they’ve been busy fantasizing about them! (consider Psalm 19:14, Matt 5:28)
  4. How often am I praying? Is the idea of praying for a Christian sister awkward to you? Hopefully not; we must pray for everybody! And since the “other” article more or less begs our sisters to pray for us, it’s only fitting that I urge us to do the same. Also, whether you’ve encountered the concept elsewhere or not, consider how praying for a sister will help make lusting after them repulsive. To pray for a sister, you must care about her life, and her as a person. Don’t minimize the incomprehensible power of prayer for this! God will use it to change you, and the sister you’re praying for, even those sisters who happen to struggle with lust as well. What kind of Christian sister wouldn’t want brothers who pray for them?! (consider I Tim 2:1)
  5. Why do I live as though holiness is optional? On this note, I simply urge you to whip out your closest Bible, read I Thessalonians 4:3-8 (or you can just hover over the reference…), and start memorizing! This passage is transformative! Yet for your benefit, and emphasis, I shall paraphrase: don’t defraud your sisters! Our sisters need not wonder if their brothers will act like unregenerate men towards them. Remember, Christian men must not add to the problem! (consider Eph 4:22-23, I Pet 1:16, II Cor 7:1, I Cor 6:19-20)
  6. When will I choose to see women as Jesus Christ does? We’ve come “full circle.” And I’d like to zoom in on the two words “choose to” as a reminder that God isn’t in the business of zapping Christians into doing His will. That’s not how God operates; He allows us to choose, hence why the question is so powerful. Until you consciously choose to see a spiritual sister as Jesus does, you won’t treat them as Jesus commands. How does Jesus see women? He sees them as His precious creation…creatures to be cared for, protected, and loved. This can and must be done, whether you’re married or not. Our sisters don’t need brothers who selfishly interact with them, or even “star” them in their “fantasies!” Do I really need to point out that both amount to sin against them, and their Creator? (consider Prov 31:30-31, Mark 12:30-31, Matt 22:38-39)

Unsurprisingly, the above questions and probing thoughts are the tip of the self-reflections iceberg for us men. And it all boils down to showing our sisters respect, kindness, a striving toward greater maturity on our part, and ultimately biblical love and care. Brothers, learn who your sisters really are and care about their lives. If Jesus did, you can. You must, by His strength alone. Don’t play games with your sisters. They get enough of that in the world as it is.

And just to be clear in case I haven’t been; this is a sermon to myself. I’ve not arrived in this area. I never will. That’s why I intend to revisit this often, because I desire and strive every day to be a brother that my wife and sisters need. My wife has appreciated various Christian men across her life that have answered God’s call to be a brother to their sisters, and by grace I will follow in their footsteps. Will you?

What say you, brothers? Are you ready to be a greater blessing to your sisters in Christ? Do you perhaps need to repent for the mistreatment of a sister, past or present? Would you add anything to this? And sisters, would you assess these challenges as helpful for you?

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Justin Joseph

Automation Developer at Innovis
Justin, test automation developer by day, self-training web developer by night, is a millennial disciple of Jesus Christ who seeks to challenge and encourage other millennial Christians through writing. Justin is also husband to Christine, and a member of Westerville Bible Church where he serves in the music and Sunday School ministries. You can learn more about Justin, the blog, and community, on the Millennials for Jesus Christ "About" page.
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4 thoughts on “Ladies Need Our Help, Men, Really!

  1. I’m glad that you’re encouraging our generation to think critically about issues like these – followed you from Relevant Mag on their 50 Shades of Grey post.

    I honestly think the responsibility for this issue is going to be on the women’s shoulders. And it’s sad to see that so many late 20’s, 30’s, and 40 year old moms are the ones who are addicted to this so-called “Mommy Porn.” It’s a battle that women have to fight, however, maybe men can help by not settling for it. For being the leaders and headship of the family that they are called to be.

    If their wife wants to read mommy porn books and fantasize over other men, the husband should be strong and hold his position as a leader and tell her he doesn’t want that. Tell her she’s going in the wrong direction.

    Unfortunately, in this day and age, many married women would call that (their husband’s merely requesting them not to read or see mommy porn like that) abuse. A godly husband now-a-days, is ridiculed as being “controlling,” and “abusive,” when he tries to lead his family.

    Women are seen as the leaders in the simple cultural meme of “Happy wife, happy life.” Men are expected to do whatever their wives want (letting the wife lead), so that the marriage goes well. It’s just not how God intended obviously.

    Sorry to rant so long! Just wanted to warn you that this is a battle that men will have to understand in order to fight effectively. You are fighting to be what God called you to be towards women: are leaders, are strong men, who are brave enough to counter the cultural politically correct ideas in order to follow God.

    1. Hi Stephanie,

      Thanks for “following me,” 🙂

      I appreciate your comments, and I actually agree with them completely. I did not intend the link I shared on Relevant to this article to serve as a closed-case response. It was just to add to the discussion. Absolutely every person is responsible for their individual sin…man or woman. Thus if a woman associates with 50SoG, that’s a sinful choice on her part. The same for men.

      What I’m merely encouraging is that men not “add” to the problem by treating their sisters unbiblically, and influencing them to be tempted toward things like 50SoG. I think we can often fail to remember how powerful our influence can be over others, and especially within the body of Christ.

      It wasn’t my intent to absolve women/wives of their sinfulness, and I apologize if that seemed to be the case.

      Thank you for sharing your biblically-sound thoughts!

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